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Dialogue following No. 7
Mikado. All this is very interesting, and I should like to have seen it. But we came about a totally different matter. A year ago my son, the heir to the throne of Japan, bolted from our Imperial Court.
Ko-Ko. Indeed! Had he any reason to be dissatisfied with his position?
Katisha. None whatever. On the contrary, I was going to marry him — yet he fled!
Pooh-Bah. I am surprised that he should have fled from one so lovely!
Katisha. That's not true.
Katisha. You hold that I am not beautiful because my face is plain. But you know nothing; you are still unenlightened. Learn, then, that it is not in the face alone that beauty is to be sought. My face is unattractive!
Pooh-Bah. It is.
Katisha. But I have a left shoulder-blade that is a miracle of loveliness. People come miles to see it. My right elbow has a fascination that few can resist.
Pooh-Bah. Allow me!
Katisha. It is on view Tuesdays and Fridays, on presentation of visiting card. As for my circulation, it is the largest in the world.
Ko-Ko. And yet he fled!
Mikado. And is now masquerading in this town, disguised as a Second Trombone.
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, & Pitti-Sing. A Second Trombone!
Mikado. Yes; would it be troubling you too much if I asked you to produce him? He goes by the name of —
Ko-Ko. It's quite easy. That is, it's rather difficult. In point of fact, he's gone abroad!
Mikado. Gone abroad! His address.
Katisha. (who is reading certificate of death) Ha!
Mikado. What's the matter?
Katisha. See here — his name — Nanki-Poo — beheaded this morning. Oh, where shall I find another? Where shall I find another?
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah, and Pitti-Sing fall on their knees.
Mikado. (looking at paper) Dear, dear, dear! this is very tiresome. (to Ko-Ko) My poor fellow, in your anxiety to carry out my wishes you have beheaded the heir to the throne of Japan!
Ko-Ko. I beg to offer an unqualified apology.
Pooh-Bah. I desire to associate myself with that expression of regret.
Pitti-Sing. We really hadn't the least notion —
Mikado. Of course you hadn't. How could you? Come, come, my good fellow, don't distress yourself — it was no fault of yours. If a man of exalted rank chooses to disguise himself as a Second Trombone, he must take the consequences. It really distresses me to see you take on so. I've no doubt he thoroughly deserved all he got. (They rise.)
Ko-Ko. We are infinitely obliged to your Majesty —
Pitti-Sing. Much obliged, your Majesty.
Pooh-Bah. Very much obliged, your Majesty.
Mikado. Obliged? not a bit. Don't mention it. How could you tell?
Pooh-Bah. No, of course we couldn't tell who the gentleman really was.
Pitti-Sing. It wasn't written on his forehead, you know.
Ko-Ko. It might have been on his pocket-handkerchief, but Japanese don't use pocket-handkerchiefs! Ha! ha! ha!
Mikado. Ha! ha! ha! (to Katisha) I forget the punishment for compassing the death of the Heir Apparent.
Ko-Ko, Pooh-Bah & Pitti-Sing. Punishment. (They drop down on their knees again.)
Mikado. Yes. Something lingering, with boiling oil in it, I fancy. Something of that sort. I think boiling oil occurs in it, but I'm not sure. I know it's something humorous, but lingering, with either boiling oil or melted lead. Come, come, don't fret — I'm not a bit angry.
Ko-Ko. (in abject terror) If your Majesty will accept our assurance, we had no idea —
Mikado. Of course —
Pitti-Sing. I knew nothing about it.
Pooh-Bah. I wasn't there.
Mikado. That's the pathetic part of it. Unfortunately, the fool of an Act says "compassing the death of the Heir Apparent." There's not a word about a mistake —
Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing & Pooh-Bah. No!
Mikado. Or not knowing —
Mikado. Or having no notion —
Mikado. Or not being there —
Mikado. There should be, of course —
Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing & Pooh-Bah. Yes!
Mikado. But there isn't.
Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing & Pooh-Bah. Oh!
Mikado. That's the slovenly way in which these Acts are always drawn. However, cheer up, it'll be all right. I'll have it altered next session. Now, let's see about your execution — will after luncheon suit you? Can you wait till then?
Ko-Ko, Pitti-Sing & Pooh-Bah. Oh, yes — we can wait till then!
Mikado. Then we'll make it after luncheon.
Pooh-Bah. I don't want any lunch.
Mikado. I'm really very sorry for you all, but it's an unjust world, and virtue is triumphant only in theatrical performances.
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